Life Lately…

Jenni Raincloud

I just had to pop in and explain myself….  I haven’t posted in so long and let me tell you-I think I have a serious case of writer’s block.  So, I’m hoping you all might help me…

First off a lot has happened in the past 2 weeks that have knocked me off track.  Many of you are in the know that I’ve been divorced for 6 mos. now.  I’ve posted a few personal posts about it and have been pretty open with some personal things so why stop now?  My x and I have a pretty congenial relationship and have been stumbling along trying to keep peace for the sake of our daughters.  I actually haven’t experienced a ton of anger throughout this process of healing.  That all changed when he got a serious girlfriend a month ago.  Wow, did I not see that coming.  I was paralyzed with anger and hate which knocked the wind out of me because  I’m just not an angry person.  That doesn’t mean things don’t anger me but I’m such a peace maker that I’ll do what it takes to diffuse a situation.  Even if that means I walk away for good.  Unfortunately you can’t walk away from your children’s father so I literally have been in Jesus boot camp for a few weeks.  What I mean by that is that as a Christian, I hold myself to the standards that Jesus set while He was on this earth.  Forgiveness was on full display as He died on the cross.  Jesus’ earthly life was all about love, forgiveness and accepting people for where they are at.  I knew God was telling me healing was coming but not without forgiveness.

Harboring anger is awful.  It feels awful.  I once heard someone say being full of hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.  It’s so true.  So true in fact that in the midst of dealing with all these negative emotions I got a stomach bug!  Was it related-I think so.  How ironic to deal with so much pain and anger, to know that I needed healing then to get a rip roaring stomach bug over Easter-a celebration of true LOVE.  God was really showing off!  In case you’re wondering-my girls got it too-we were eye balls deep in throw up.  At one point my youngest threw up on the dog.  Pure hell.

So, I ask God daily to help me forgive my x-husband and accept what has happened.  I realized that forgiveness is a choice and not a feeling.  I’m amazed at the transformation my heart has under gone.  By praying for him my heart has actually softened.  Healing is underway and while I don’t want to hang out with him and his new gf I really wish them the best.  In fact, letting go of some of the anger has let me be open to her and it turns out, she’s really nice.  So, moral of the story?  Anger is poison, let it go daily. 

Now let’s circle back to the blog.  I’m stuck.  I can’t seem to write a post about the topic at hand-getting natural.  I’m asking you all to comment if you have any blog topics you would like to hear about.  I sure don’t claim to know everything but I like to research and I like to learn so any ideas are welcome!  This blog is running thanks to you-the reader, so I never want to lose track of what you all want to know more about!

I hope this post might help someone that is having a hard time with anger.  I tell you-only through the help of God am I ridding myself of the rejection, pain and hate I have experienced over the last year.  I never realized how dangerous it can be when you give into hateful thoughts.

HUGS, Jenni

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